i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
