im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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