between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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