u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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