He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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