my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
there is puke in my bra ... again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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