That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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