I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
