he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
