what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
