Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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