i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
