Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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