I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
