If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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