why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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