I'm drive I can fine osifer
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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