I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
