WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
