that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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