So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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