Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize