he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
handjob tips. give me some.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
