You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
