i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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