I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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