she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
