she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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