i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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