His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
