Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Couch. On fire.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
