Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
