We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
