I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
