Just mADE A PArabola og urine
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
