I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
