went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
