He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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