what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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