Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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