all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
