I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
