Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
