Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
