and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My friends, they love my intelligence
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
