I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
