yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
