I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
