im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
