Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
