New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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