dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
