No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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