Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
