i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
