she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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