he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
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It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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