Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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