I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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