So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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