ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
