Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
