put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
