I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
