Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I would ride that face into the sunset
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
