We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
