that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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