When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
