o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
