yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
