he puts the penis in happiness.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
