I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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