why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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