it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she peed on how many people?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
