You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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