So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
