Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
