It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
