whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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