Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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