Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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