So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
