I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
