so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
