I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just high enough for therapy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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