Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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