Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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